


From Where We Are

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2018-08-16 16:31:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8109559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: Written for the VAMB Secret Santa 2011.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of two fics that I wrote for Shayenne in answer to her request – _‘I would like a J/C story when they are old and gray in the twilight of their lives. A story of them and their relationship at this point. The writer can interpret that however they wish – happy, sad, bittersweet, friends or romance.’_
> 
> This is where the fanfic fairies led me.
> 
> Thank you to my beta, Kim J. Don’t know what I’d do without you, m’dear.

_Stardate 81973.7  22nd Dec, 2404_

Kathryn stared at the face in the mirror, her eyes narrowing as she critically examined each feature – strong jaw, broad cheeks, piercing blue eyes – all present and accounted for and in much the same configuration as always. She knew it like the back of her hand, and with that thought her gaze drifted downward.

A small frown crumpled her brow as she studied the long, slightly swollen-knuckled fingers and crepey skin that loosely covered a river delta of ropey veins meandering towards her wrist. With a huff she promptly amended her previous thought. She barely recognized the back of her hand these days and many of those same changes had been wrought across the reflection in the mirror. All told of a long life well-lived – a story etched into each line and furrow.

The years had slipped by in heady succession and she could no longer deny what was right before her eyes.

She was old.

A wry smile teased the corners of her mouth as she shook her head in grim realization. It really shouldn’t have come as such a surprise – time had a habit of marching on regardless of one’s wishes to the contrary – but she still found it difficult to believe how quickly the years had passed; almost as though they’d gained momentum on the downhill run.

It had been a remarkable life; one punctuated by a catalogue of wonderful, almost magical experiences that had left her gasping in awe or breathless in wonder. But measured against those highs were an equal share of lows; the moments of wrenching sadness that even now she could barely articulate.

Rising above it all, however, were her most vivid memories – those of the lost years in the far reaches of the Delta Quadrant.

They’d been her Everest; the pinnacle of her achievements and a part of her life that had set the standard for all her accomplishments. Other exploits had come tantalizingly close – she’d led an extraordinary life – but those seven years as captain of Voyager would always occupy that precious place at the apex of her experiences. They encompassed her dearest memories, rich with friendships, each gilt-edged with kindness, sacrifice and astonishing feats of bravery. But most significantly, they were populated by the people she loved best in the world. She could see them now as if it were yesterday and, inhaling a shaky breath she braced herself as waves of joy battled for dominance over the pangs of nostalgia, sweeping, as they always did, like a tsunami through her middle. It had been an experience that she would never forget. Not ever.

Taking another deep breath, she lifted her gaze to the mirror once more to meet an almost carbon copy of her mother’s aged eyes. They stared back at her from beneath a slightly wrinkled brow, one somewhat reminiscent of her long-departed Aunt Martha. But mostly she saw Admiral Janeway. Not her father but herself; her once future self. The woman who had appeared Marley-like from the future all those years ago – the bearer of both bad and glad tidings. As always, memories of the Admiral triggered a hollow ache her chest – it echoed through her now as she silently paid homage the woman who had sacrificed everything – her own past and future – to save them.

The Admiral had succeeded in her quest and today marked the day that she’d set out on that epic journey to travel back in time – back to the Voyager of her younger years to rescue them from the sorrows and heartache of what was to come and from another sixteen years of treacherous travel through the Delta Quadrant.

It was the day that past, present and future collided.

This moment had been a blip on the horizon of Kathryn’s life ever since the Admiral appeared on Voyager’s view screen in those final days of 2377 and with the last chime of the grandfather clock in the hallway, she closed her eyes and smiled – the timelines had finally merged and she’d become that woman.

But not really.

Her life in the intervening years had been a universe away from the one the Admiral had lived, and that knowledge filled Kathryn with a profound sense of satisfaction. It wasn’t her place to denigrate the other woman’s existence or the choices she’d made, but from her perspective it had been a life ruled by tragic circumstances that had, in turn, dictated so much of what the Admiral had done and the decisions she’d made. In truth, their lives were so disparate that it was almost impossible to equate one with the other.

Granted, in essence, she was the same person – one cannot fight one’s nature – but the architecture of her life was vastly different. The Admiral’s stone-walled edifice of duty and jagged-edged regret stood in stark contrast against the more malleable, soft-walled structure Kathryn inhabited, one evolved from the joy of family and a heart fulfilled.

She liked to think she’d led a happier life than that of the Admiral; one less driven, where she’d been more at peace with her lot – but it was hard to know. The prism through which she viewed her existence was cut from a softer crystal than that of the other Kathryn; her focus on the future less intense and finite. For twenty-three years her other self had lived with one burning desire – a secret plan that was set in stone the day Seven died.

A grim smile twitched at the corner of her mouth; tenacity was a trait they both shared and it had been an essential component of both their lives. It was hard not to admire the older woman’s stubbornness; to know she’d been willing to wait a third of her lifetime, never once questioning her conviction, to correct what she saw as a life-changing mistake and right the terrible wrong to ensure Chakotay’s happiness.

Kathryn had long been honest with herself on that score. After the final salvo, that was what it had all been about – Chakotay. It always had been, but at the time of the Admiral’s arrival, she’d been too pig-headed and caught up in her own self righteous ‘do-goodery’ to see what was right in front of her. For someone touted as being so smart, she could be monumentally stupid at times – a failing that Phoebe had been only too happy to point out to her in those early days after their return.

She hardly needed to be told – it had been patently clear what a fool she’d been. One look at the Admiral revealed a woman haunted by regret, willing to forfeit history to fix what she deemed broken, and driven by a need so deeply ingrained that it had become an almost malignant desire to set those wrongs to rights.

And they’d done it. Together they had saved Seven and those twenty-two crewmen from their preordained demises, and they’d also rescued Tuvok from the horror of his future. They’d achieved the impossible – again.

In those still vivid moments after Voyager burst from the inside of the exploding Borg sphere into the waiting arms of Starfleet, Kathryn’s only thought had been that they’d done it. She could hardly believe their luck. She and her aged doppelganger had bamboozled the future, pushed past the boundaries of space and time, and brought their crew home.

She’d seen it as a victory; they’d beaten the odds and triumphed over a future already written – but the problem was that nature had a habit of maintaining the balance. They hadn’t come away unscathed.

In the Admiral’s time, they had returned as heroes. For sixteen years, Starfleet and the Federation had come to know and love the small but resilient ship of lost souls. Via communication with the Alpha Quadrant, the lives and exploits of the ship and crew were followed with almost religious zeal by their compatriots at home. Relationships put on hold for seven years were rekindled, and for those husbands, wives and significant others who had moved on, the time allowed for wounds to heal and fences to be mended. The previous indiscretions of the Maquis were forgiven and forgotten and the entire crew was rallied around and eagerly urged onward from afar.

Their arrival on Earth after their twenty-three year sojourn in the Delta Quadrant had been heralded as one of the most extraordinary accomplishments in Federation history.

The Admiralty welcomed Kathryn into its ranks; the remaining crew was given any and all assistance to repatriate with no distinction made between the ex-Maquis and Starfleet. Their homecoming had truly been a triumph.

In Kathryn’s time, however, the circumstances were somewhat different.

Pushing her chair back from the dressing table, she moved towards the window and gripping the ledge firmly, she stared, unseeing, at the view. Although it still pained her to think about it, she made a point of remembering.

At the time of their return, Earth and the Federation were still clawing their way back after the conflict with the Dominion. The population was jaded and browbeaten; the war had ravaged both the military and civilian quarter; millions were dead and no one could garner much enthusiasm for the arrival of a ship of a mere one hundred and fifty citizens comprised of Maquis fugitives – a harsh reminder of recent mistakes – and their Starfleet counterparts. Voyager’s welcome home had been perfunctory, the politically awkward Maquis were immediately distanced and ostracized, Starfleet personnel were either set adrift or swallowed up too quickly by the system and their beloved ship was picked clean of all its wondrous technology without any consideration for those who, for seven long years, had found safe harbor within its bulkheads. Kathryn still found it difficult to quash the bitter burn of resentment even after all those years.

Their much anticipated return to Earth had been a huge disappointment for Voyager’s crew and their families, and it wasn’t long before the fractures began to show. Kathryn’s people, the same ones who had dispersed so quickly after their arrival, soon started to filter back towards the hub of her influence. As the captain and lynch pin of the ship, she became like a homing beacon and members of the crew began turning up on her doorstep in Indiana. What started as a trickle soon became a flood and within weeks, she had been contacted by nearly all the returnees, many of whom had taken up residence in and around Bloomington. In those troubled times, the pull of camaraderie and comradeship was irresistible.

Her disappointment in Starfleet and the powers-that-be had tainted those days but that still couldn’t spoil the renewed sense of belonging and the familiar warmth of shared misfortune. It wasn’t as if she and the crew hadn’t been in this sort of predicament before – marooned with no back up or support. With the Federation and Starfleet preoccupied with its own problems, it fell upon Kathryn to do something about her lost family. The burning questions were, what and how?

It was obvious that they needed to remain together. The world they had returned to was in many ways more alien than those they’d encountered in the Delta Quadrant and Kathryn knew that the ties that bound them and the extraordinary brotherhood that had evolved from their shared adversities would save them now. Those bonds were duranium strong, forged over their years together in the DQ and tempered by a litany of triumphs and tragedies; and it had all been spearheaded by a keenly honed arrow tip of purpose – the journey home. Now that the seven years of forward momentum had come to such an abrupt halt, they were all floundering. They needed something to strive for – a goal to work towards – but as hard as Kathryn wracked her brain for a solution that would work for all of them, she couldn’t think of one.

The answer eventually did come to her. It appeared out of the blue but not in the manner she expected it to and certainly not in the shape and person of her ex-first officer.

Like so many of the crew, Chakotay had left the fold soon after Voyager’s arrival but the far-reaching web of fealty had brought him home as well. He’d turned up one day – his heart in his hands and on his lips an offer she couldn’t refuse.

Her face softened into a gentle smile – that day still indelibly etched into her memory.

The fields around her mother’s house had become an outdoor version of her old Ready Room; her place of solace in the weeks following her homecoming. She’d worn paths along fence lines and meandering trails through the copses of maples and spruce as she mulled over their situation. On milder days, she would stand and stare into the distance, at parade rest, a worried frown creasing her brow as she juggled scenario after scenario trying to find an answer to their dilemma.

That morning, however, was somehow different; there was a sense of anticipation in the air and she couldn’t keep still or keep her mind focused. Edgy and nervous for no particular reason, she found herself unable to think in the confines of her mother’s living room – the echoes of the past rang too loud.

It was a biting cold Indiana winter’s morning, the air moist with the promise of snow but accompanied by blizzard winds that cut like icy daggers through gaps in clothing, whipping her hair about in frigid tendrils. It was the sort of bone rattling cold that made her jaw ache, stung her exposed skin and eyes, and froze the tears on her lashes. But even the weather couldn’t deter her, and after zipping up her heavy jacket and jamming a woolen hat on her head, she’d taken off for her daily walk.

Head down and gloved hands in her pockets; she let the crunching rhythm of each step act as a metronome to keep her thoughts in order.

She’d been deep in thought, trudging along the northern most boundary of the Janeway farm for almost an hour when something interrupted her rhythm and made her look up. There was a figure in the distance – a wavering column of black against the fondant world of white. He was over half a kilometer away but she knew who it was the instant she’d laid eyes on him. She would know him anywhere – Chakotay.

As her gaze rested on the familiar stride, the slight tilt of his shoulders and the ever-recognizable sway of his hips, every doubt, every question and every misgiving evaporated into the frigid air. After clambering over the fence, she began walking towards him – her trajectory aligned with his – a wonderfully familiar state of being. Drawing closer, a sense of peace enveloped her and she knew without a shadow of a doubt why he was there. At last she allowed herself to acknowledge that _this_ was what she’d been waiting for.

His ill-fated dalliance with Seven had ended on their arrival but that mattered little in the scheme of things. If it had been meant to be, it would have survived the transition to Earth, and she would have been happy for him – she loved them both enough for that – but their fledgling relationship had succumbed to the dislocation, and life moved on.

But it appeared that some things had stayed the same. The unspoken bond between them was still vital and strong.

As the distance between them disappeared, so did the barriers and constraints that had kept them apart for the last seven years. The connection they shared strengthened with each crunching footfall until, without faltering, they stepped into one another’s arms, lips meeting in a kiss that had been waiting in the wings from the instant they’d laid eyes on one another.

In that one breathless moment, they moved seamlessly from friends to lovers; the transition a culmination of seven years of shared responsibility, mutual respect, suppressed passion and an intimacy born of deep love and commitment.

No one ever questioned the rightness of this evolution.

Chakotay had come back to her and for the crew, responding, as the others had done, to the siren call of fellowship. He hadn’t been the least bit surprised to find that most of the crew were already there with her.

He’d also arrived with an answer to her dilemma.

An invitation for Kathryn and whoever else was willing, to travel with him back to Trebus.

Soon after Voyager’s return, he’d retreated to his home planet. His sister and what remained of his people were there, battling the elements as they tried to eke a living from a land left virtually barren in a sad legacy of the Cardassian attacks over a decade before. They were desperate for skilled workers – engineers, logistic and computer experts, scientists of all persuasions and anyone who was prepared to turn their hand to help resurrect the decimated planet. The basics were on site but they needed help and committed people to assist with the rebirth.

It was the answer they’d been looking for and before the end of the day, the proposal had been put to the crew and a decision made.

* * *

Movement behind her brought her gaze back into focus and her thoughts returned to the here and now.

She smiled easily as his arms wound around her from behind, and hugging them to her, she sighed happily, “Good morning. You were gone awhile.”

“My vision quest took a little longer today.” He nuzzled just below her ear. She tipped her head back, before reaching up and cupping his cheek as their eyes met.

Chakotay’s face crumpled into a well-worn smile and she gazed affectionately at the craggy cheeks and sparkling black eyes topped by a shock of white shoulder-length hair. He scooped it back from his forehead with one hand as he bent further forward and kissed her lips.

She hummed into his mouth only breaking apart when he began to chuckle. “We don’t have time for that, woman. You haven’t changed in twenty five years – no wonder I look so worn out.”

Kathryn huffed a laugh and turned in his arms, her brow rising as she pinned him with a frank look. “The day I don’t want to have sex with you, is the day they pack me into a torpedo casing and shoot me at the nearest star.”

His eyes softened and he studied her face. “Let’s not talk about torpedo casings today, hmmm?”

Kathryn ran her hand across the side of his face, brushing his hair away from the slightly faded blue lines of his tattoo, her thumb lightly grazing the winged edges that swept across his temple. She smiled. “All right, but if you’re not going to whisk me to bed, I can’t be held responsible for the conversation.”

He winked at her and tugged her close. “Hold that thought. And as much as I’d love to ‘whisk’ you anywhere, we have a party to attend and as the guest of honor, you really do have to put in an appearance.”

She slowly nodded. If given a choice she would have happily skipped the celebrations. It happened only rarely, but on occasion she was still lassoed by duty, and today was one of those days. Muttering under her breath, “Spoil sport.” she moved back to the mirror, and grabbed a handful of hairpins. While Chakotay watched, Kathryn wound her long grey hair into a loose chignon with practiced ease. As she pulled the last hairpin from between her teeth and slid it into place, she inclined her head towards the mirror. “Did you ever imagine we would get this old?”

Chakotay gave her a bewildered look. “Old, who’s old? I don’t see any old people.” His grin broadened and his eyes glinted with laughter.

Rolling her eyes, Kathryn smirked, “Delusional ‘til the end. It’s nice to know that some things never change.”

He shrugged. “So we’re a bit weather beaten and a little worse for wear; there’s still a few good years left in us yet.” His hand skimmed down her side and he bent over to nuzzle her neck again.

Grabbing his hand as it wandered lower, she rolled her eyes. “As of today, you are officially a dirty old man.”

He kissed her soundly and laughed. ”And proud of it.”

Kathryn pursed her lips and glared at him in mock disapproval before her mouth twisted into a smile, “Hmmm, yes, well, you would be.”

Still smiling, he offered her his hand. Kathryn took it and allowed him to pull her into an embrace. They must have held one another like this thousands of times over the years and she could swear that their bodies had yielded in places to accommodate the ridges and planes of the other’s. She couldn’t think of any other reason why they molded together with such exacting precision – except for the fact that they were made for one another.

He whispered in her ear, “Are you okay?”

She wasn’t surprised that he’d sensed her pensive mood. Safely enveloped in his arms, she spoke quietly. “I’ve imagined what this day would be like for so long that it’s taken on almost mythic qualities – as though the closer it loomed, the more like her I would become. But now that it’s here, I don’t feel any different.” She paused to try to find the words to articulate her feelings. They were hard to find. She gave a small shrug and held him tighter. “The only thing I feel is sad.”

“Sad?” He took a step back and his questioning eyes met hers for a moment before he turned and picked up her cloak. After draping it over her shoulders, he wrapped his arm around her as they walked from the bedroom towards the front of the house. He waited patiently for her response.

“Maybe sad’s not the right word but I do feel sorry for the Admiral. I’ve lived such a blessed life.”

Chakotay huffed and Kathryn saw he was about to challenge that point but she held up her hand to stop him. “Compared to her, I have – truly blessed.” She stepped in front of him and laid her hand over his heart, in a much-loved gesture that had become a token of their lives together. “I’ve lived the life she dreamed of and for that I’m immensely grateful. It may not have been exactly what she had envisaged for us or quite what any of us had planned, but given my time again – and we know that’s a real possibility – I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Really?”

Kathryn nodded solemnly. “A very wise man once told me, that one shouldn’t sacrifice the present waiting for a future that may never happen and that home is where you happen to be.”

Smiling, he shook his head ruefully. “Your wise man sounds like a know-it-all pain in the ass.”

Kathryn laughed and took his hand, weaving her fingers through his. “He could be a little on the earnest side at times, but that advice has stood me in good stead over the years.”

“Well, we certainly took a completely different path to the one everyone expected _and_ we put a few noses out of joint in the process.”

With a shrug, Kathryn dismissed the notion. “It’s old news and look how much they love us now. Besides, I could always blame your influence. Seven years as my first officer and another twenty five as my husband – I think a lot more Maquis rubbed off on me than I realized.”

He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers. “Mea culpa.” He winked. “And you can thank me later.”

Kathryn laughed and mouthed, ‘Dirty old man’ as they stepped out onto the wide veranda of their home and surveyed the familiar view. It still moved her and she took a deep satisfied breath as her eyes swept across the now fertile plains and forests of Trebus Prime towards the indigo mountain ranges jutting skyward along the horizon.

This had been her home for the last twenty-five years. Her beloved home. They’d worked hard to resurrect the land and their persistence had paid off. They now lived amongst a bustling community of several thousand beings that hailed from planets throughout the quadrant and beyond.

To this day, along with Chakotay’s people, Voyager’s crew and their families remained the backbone of the community and they’d thrived on this planet on the border of Federation space. It hadn’t been an easy life, especially in the beginning. Terra-forming a planet stripped of virtually every living thing called for a level of dedication and tenacity that not many would have been able to muster but they’d welcomed the hard work and risen to the challenge and, over the years, reaped the benefits of that commitment. Their time on Voyager – stranded with no back up and with limited resources, had bred an ability to think outside the square and when faced with Trebus’s situation, all that knowledge and resourcefulness had come to the fore. The technological and scientific advances they’d made over the years had helped finance various projects and ventures. They’d become renowned throughout the quadrant as an enclave of innovators, gaining the respect of both Starfleet and private business, who then approached them at intervals for assistance and advice. The colony’s success had surpassed all expectations and as time passed any animosity directed toward them had long since disappeared. Their advances in slipstream technology brought them closer to Earth and other home planets, and it hadn’t taken long before they’d been welcomed back into the fold. Ten years ago they’d joined the United Federation of Planets as a fully fledged member.

Although many of the crew’s children had remained on Trebus to continue their parents’ work, several had honored the call and entered Starfleet with Kathryn and the colony’s blessing. They’d done well within the organization, rising quickly through the ranks – their upbringing coupled with the amassed knowledge of their parents and friends ensuring outstanding careers. In Kathryn’s opinion, it boded well for the future of Starfleet but the thought of returning to Earth had never crossed her mind. Despite many offers from Starfleet and the Federation Council, Trebus would always be home to her, her crew and their descendents. It was something that she knew made Chakotay proud.

She studied him now, as he stood close beside her looking across the rich landscape of his home. His arm tightened around her shoulder, no doubt aware that her thoughts were of him. It made her smile. Their connection was as strong and as vibrant as ever – that had never changed – nor had their devotion to one another. It was something that still filled her with immense joy. He was and always would be the love of her life.

He tugged her closer still and kissed the top of her head, sighing contentedly as he did so, his heart and soul at peace. Her angry warrior still lurked beneath the calm exterior but only made rare appearances when she or those close to him were threatened. Life on the frontier had brought its own challenges and there were times when they’d had to fight for their survival, but in the wake of the Dominion war, bitter lessons had been learned and the quadrant’s hard-won peace was closely guarded by those involved. She and Chakotay had been on the forefront of the negotiations with the Cardassians and what had once been a fragile peace had eventually solidified into a bond of mutual respect and strong trade ties.

After their shaky return to the Alpha Quadrant all those years ago, they had found their place amongst the stars. Closing her eyes, she sent her heartfelt thanks to the woman whose life had been so much a part of hers. With the merging of the timelines, they had become one and with that thought she bid farewell to the Admiral and welcomed a joyous future.

Chakotay hummed and kissed her head again, and Kathryn opened her eyes. He was watching her, a small smile softening the craggy lines of his face, his white hair blowing in the light breeze.

He stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers, his eyes following the path of his hand before his gaze met hers. “Have you said your goodbyes?”

She nodded. “You?”

“I said mine earlier.” He bent and kissed her lips before taking her arm and tucking it under his. “Shall we join the crew?”

The sound of the celebration – music and laughter – filtered through the house from the back yard.

Kathryn took a deep breath and then gestured with a sweep of her hand. “Lead the way.”

He grinned. “Now there’s a first.”

She gave him a gentle shove with her elbow. “Stranger things have happened.”

“And we’re the living proof.”

Kathryn laughed before gripping his arm tighter. “And we’ve got a lot more living to do. Are you with me, Chakotay?”

He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers.

She knew what his answer would be; it would be the same one he’d given her for over thirty years.

She waited with a smile.

“Always, Kathryn, always.”

 

fin


End file.
